Bachelors, Doctor and Candy
1- The Bachelor- Isn’t this show supposed to have Prince Charming as the prize? I don’t know about these ladies, but I definitely would’ve been like- No Jake, I’m not accepting this rose. It is mainly because you say things like- ” I get lost in your eyes”, ” YOU are SUCH an incredible woman” (in his whisper voice). And five minutes later, he eliminates like 5 chicks citing chemistry as the problem. You didn’t look like there was a chemistry problem when you were mackin’ near the fire Jake. Vomit. I stand by my position that I would rather live with cats and read books in my Grey Gardens like estate than date a guy who was fundamentally wrong for me. Ew.
2. -Doctor- I found a doctor in New York! This is huge news as I haven’t been able to find one that was tolerable. I am not uber picky, but when I made an appointment with one doctor and then I found the reviews on the website. They said: ” WOULDN’T take my dog here- smells like McDonalds club”. At that point I realized 2 things: 1-This doctor should really monitor the reviews on the website. I mean seriously. Why wouldn’t you at least disable the comment section? 2- Since when is smelling like McDonalds bad? And there’s a club? Oh man, i’ve got to be a part of this!
You may now wonder how I went about finding the amazing doctor. Well, it was a simple process really. I found the oldest doctor in a ritzy neighborhood that accepts my insurance. Amazing. I mean seriously, when you have an older doctor, they tend to be old school ( I guess that makes sense). I sat down and had a conversation with this guy in a big leather armchair while he actually listened to my symptoms and never uttered an arrogant word. He shared tales of his fam and I got the exact attention I needed. Afterward, we listened to Frank Sinatra’s first single on the old record player he had in his office corner. He poured me a ginger ale and we talked about old movies and how they just didn’t make ‘em like Ginger Rogers anymore. He called me kiddo and we played a wee bit o shuffleboard in his back room.
Okay, so none of the music, ginger ale, movie talk, or shuffleboard is true. I just wanted to see how far you’d read before you questioned me.
In all honestly, it was an awesome doctor’s visit (which i neveeerr say). He was quite professional and I felt that even if I had polio he’d be able to identify it from memory alone. I like this guy. I will go back.
3- If you’re on a diet, please go ahead and try twizzlers sweet and sour twists. They have goo in the middle and taste like heaven. Trust me… they rule.
